Uncomfortable Conversations: A Resolution

By Gary Silverman, CFP®

If I wear a mask, I’m condemned. If I don’t wear a mask, I’m condemned.

If I get vaccinated, I’m condemned. If I don’t get vaccinated, I’m condemned.

If I believe humans are changing the climate, I’m condemned. If I don’t believe humans are changing the climate, I’m condemned.

If I voted for Trump, I’m condemned. If I voted for Biden, I’m condemned.

If I think we should shift to renewable energy, I’m condemned. If I don’t think we should shift to renewable energy, I’m condemned.

If I watch Fox news, I’m condemned. If I watch just about anything else, I’m condemned.

If I believe human life starts before birth, I’m condemned. If I think a woman should be able to control her own body, I’m condemned.

If I think a guy born a guy is still a guy, I’m condemned. If I affirm the identity of someone who identifies as a gender other than the one they were born with, I’m condemned.

If I say that Black lives matter, I’m condemned. If I say that all lives matter, I’m condemned.

If I condemn those condemning me, I’m condemned. If I listen to folks who disagree, I’m condemned.

If I talk, walk, think, do, act, rest, or exist, I’m condemned.

Don’t worry, this is actually a Happy New Year message. I’m not one for New Year’s resolutions. Not that I haven’t done them in the past. My running obsession started as a New Year’s resolution after all. But that’s the exception to prove the rule: My resolutions generally last about as long into the year as overcrowding at the gym—can’t find a parking space in January; a ghost town in May.

According to the various psychological profiles I’ve run on myself, I’m the kind of person who can easily see all sides of an issue. That’s not to mean I agree with all the sides; it’s more that I can understand where the other viewpoint is coming from.

Sounds great, right? The problem is that I expect others to also try to understand where alternative viewpoints are coming from. If I disagree with you, let’s discuss it, mull it over, consider the ramifications, and if needed, agree to disagree. As you can imagine, my expectations are rarely met. Not only is that an understatement, but these days it has become a rarity. Instead of discourse, at best, I find condemnation. At worst, completely closed minds.

Another part of my psyche is the ability, aye, the joy I have in picking apart someone’s argument. Have an analogy? State a generality? I’ll find the point where they break. Want to follow a series of logical steps? I can often find a path to take you where your steps lead nowhere.

In other words, I can be a bit of a jerk sometimes.

So, my resolution for 2022 is to expand my understanding of others to include their condemnation and closed-mindedness. To accept it for what it is. To pray for more openness, understanding, and civility in discourse. To be a jerk a lot less. And to worry a heck of a lot more about my own judgments than to the judgments of others.

Oh, and I hope I make it past May.

Gary Silverman, CFP® is the founder of Personal Money Planning, LLC, a Wichita Falls retirement planning and investment management firm and author of Real World Investing.